Right, I’ve made a cassette and cleaned out the boot, what’s next?

With last week being the ‘Mum’s birthday / Mothering Sunday’ double, I couldn’t help but contemplate what a genius Adele is.

Obviously she is a pretty good singer, but she’s no mug either. She’s realised that she has sown up the answer to the two tough, existential questions that keep many a teenage boy awake at night:

“What shall I get my Mum for Christmas / Birthday / Mothering Sunday?”; and

“I’ve just got to second base with that girl down the park, what shall I get her for Valentine’s?”

Just look at the release dates of her three albums:

“19” – Jan 2008;

“21” – Jan 2011; and

“25” – Nov 2015

Adele realises that her core season is mid-December to early-March. Releasing an album in May might get her a few sales for the odd birthday but she could be trumped by a new Coldplay album nearer Christmas if she’s not careful.

Granted, she didn’t have the confidence with her first two albums to tackle Christmas head on and it was left to Leona Lewis and Take That to mop up those respective festive seasons, but she made no mistake with “25”.

I appreciate that she’s sold gazillions of records but she’s just Dido for this generation of acne-ridden boys.

Anyway, the brilliantly named Florian Cloud de Bounevialle Armstrong (surprised she changed her name!) has been on my mind a bit recently for other reasons too as the song that helped to launch her career has been running round my head in the context of me trying to do a bit of pro-bono work in the “feminist” sector.

I have now contacted four different individuals/organisations that operate in that space and offered my services for free.

Nothing in response. Nada. Zilch.

Now, I appreciate that my limited skills of romcom knowledge, dancing at weddings and the missing vowels round in Only Connect are not obviously massively helpful towards achieving the aim of UN Women’s critical mission of planet 50-50 by 2030, BUT I AM OFFERING THEM FOR FREE!

Accordingly, I’ve started to have some sympathy for the eponymous star of Eminem’s massive 2000 hit. I’m not giving up though and I’m going to send each of them another message to double-check whether I can be of any assistance; something along the following lines should do the trick.

“Dear X,

I wrote you but you still ain’t callin’

I left my cell, my pager and my home phone at the bottom

I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not’a got ’em

There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin’

Yours sincerely,


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4 Responses to Right, I’ve made a cassette and cleaned out the boot, what’s next?

  1. Mx36 says:

    hmm do we need to be checking your boot/trunk each time you take the car out?

    “When you want to do something that’s new. And it seems really, really hard to do
    You feel like quitting, you feel you’re through
    Well I have some advice for you
    Don’t give up
    Keep on trying
    You’re gonna make it
    I ain’t lying”


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